In a sea of faces//In a sea of doubt

schizophrenique @ 2008-05-04T13:55:00

2008-05-04T18:01:12Z

In a sea of faces, in a sea of doubt
In this cruel place your voice above the maelstrom
In the wake of this ship of fools I'm falling further down
If you can see me, Marian, reach out and take me home

I hear you calling Marian
Across the water, across the wave
I hear you calling Marian
Can you hear me calling you to
Save me, save me, save me from the
Grave...
Marian

Marian, there's a weight above me
And the pressure is all too strong
To breathe deep
Breathe long and hard
To take the water down and go to sleep
To sink still further
Beneath the fatal wave
Marian I think I'm drowning
This sea is killing me

I hear you calling Marian...

Was ich kann und was ich könnte
(What I can do and what I could do)
Weiss ich gar nicht mehr
(I just don't know anymore)
Gib mir wieder etwas schönes
(Give me something beautiful again)
Zieh mich aus dem Meer
(Drag me from the sea)
Ich höre dich rufen, Marian
(I hear you calling Marian)
Kannst du mich schreien hören
(Can you hear me screaming?)
Ich bin hier allein
(I am here alone)
Ich höre dich rufen, Marian
(I hear you calling Marian)
Ohne deine hilfe verliere ich mich in diesem Ort
(Without your help I am lost in this place)

schizophrenique @ 2008-03-08T16:32:00

2008-03-08T21:34:41Z

today is one of those days where i can't believe how self-centered i've become.
i need to reevaluate.

bbl;;;

do ya think i'm sexy

2008-02-20T23:05:04Z

i do, Colin, i do.

i don't hate pride and prejudice anymore....thank you pbs.

schizophrenique @ 2008-02-02T14:34:00

2008-02-02T19:47:48Z

I think positivity is over-rated, but in the spirit of productivity, have a nice afternoon, chaps.

(those paintings are by Mala Iqbal, by the way.)

Also, I hope your health is good. Everybody has the flu these days--wash your hands kids!

mmeemmee

2008-01-06T00:18:58Z

ok i promise i will start my hw soon
but i feel like procrastinating right now
so let's do a fun meme i found

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line/lyrics from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game, do it (if you do it just comment with your songs in this post)

1. At ten past nine, a feeling that's hard to define / I pass you by and wonder what you have to hide
~~2. The day you move I'm probably going to explode, it's true, I'm probably going to explo-o-o-o-ode~~ Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt--We Are Scientists
~~3. I didn't hear what you were saying, I live on raw emotion baby / I answer questions never, maybe, and I'm not kind if you betray me~~ Wake Up Call--Maroon 5
~~4. Yesterday I got so old I thought that I could die / Yesterday I got so old it made me want to cry~~ In Between Days--The Cure
~~5. Oops, there goes my shirt, up over my head, oh my~~ Oops, Oh My--Ladytron (Tweet cover)
6. Floating the room/ Two by two/ From the womb/ To the holiday
7. Now I know that I can't make you stay, but where's your heart? but where's your heart? but where's your...
8. He left no time to regret, kept his dick wet, with his same old safe bet
~~9. You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met you~~ Don't You Want Me--Human League
10. People will be people when they hear this sound that's been glowing in the dark at the edge of town
~~11. I think I'm drowning, asphyxiated, I wanna break the spell that you've created~~ Time is Running Out--Muse
~~12. Saw you on the urchin side from under the boat / saw you making knots, saw you get the rope~~ A Time to be So Small--Interpol
13. Let me out, let me out, I am suffocating I can't live without this all behind me
~~14. Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside~~ Without Me--Eminem
~~15. She says it helps with the lights out / her rabid glow is like braille to the night~~ Leif Erikson--Interpol
~~16. I was livin' in a devil town / Didn't know it was a devil town / Oh lord it really brings me down 'bout the devil town~~ Devil Town--Bright Eyes (cover of Daniel Johnston)
~~17. A friend in need's a friend indeed / a friend with weed is better~~ Pure Morning--Placebo
18. Every night my dream's the same / Same old city with a different name
~~19. All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces~~ Mad World--Tears for Fears
20. She's a special kind you know, the kind I'd like to see / hanging on a wall, watching me cross the streets
~~21. Blood red lips traced with a tongue they shine, cut through a crowded room / a look can say a lot sometimes so I take all my past attractions and project on you~~ Written in Blood--She Wants Revenge
~~22. Thatthatthat that don't kill me / can only make me stronger~~ Stronger--Kanye
23. I'm so tired of this, it brings me down / I'm nothing when you're not around
~~24. How do you preach the word if you don't know how to read? / Well they hold your soul once you sign the deed~~ Jesus for the Jugular--The Veils
~~25. It took too long it took too long it took too long for you to call back, and normally I would just forget that, except for the fact it was my birthday, my stupid birthday :(~~ Potential Break Up Song--Aly & Aj

lol I don't think they will all get guessed
but oh well
okay! time to get to work and get some food and all of that nice stuff.
au revoir, mes amis.

c'est pathetique

2007-11-03T05:01:16Z

oh well.
my favorite number!

SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
- DEATH
- the thought of not achieving my dreams
- possibly being poor
- old men with schoolgirl fetishes
- Hell
- i can't think of any more. i'm not easily shaken :P

SEVEN THINGS YOU LIKE THE MOST
- food
- love
- money
- nature
- my handful of lovely close friends
- Ms J, hahaa
- the smell of olive oil, it's bad but it's good...hmmm

SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR ROOM
- my pc
- coasters...i can't have water getting on my nightstand, i just can't
- pile of purses and shoes in the closet
- various posters, pictures and things people drew for me taped on the walls
- bed, duh
- my carebears sitting together on shelves in the corner over my bed
- television

SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOU
- i am really thin and sortof want to gain weight
- i save left over apple juice in its bottle until it turns into alcohol, but i don't usually drink it because it tastes bad
- i suck at sports
- i'm really sensitive
- i hate throwing things out because i'm afraid i'm throwing out a memory
- i have significant hearing loss
- i cry when famous people or little kids die

SEVEN THINGS YOU PLAN TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
- move to nyc
- visit france, germany, mexico, russia and japan
- play music of my own
- have some sort of name for myself in the art world
- ~*~fall in love~*~
- dye my hair lots of colors
- find a way to feel unified with the universe

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN DO
- annoy erin
- draw
- invent melodies randomly
- type quickly
- make spaghetti
- get an A on a french test without studying
- corrupt people

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN'T DO
- flirt
- sing...in front of people
- dance elegantly
- be aggressive
- run for more than two minutes (yeah i'm dreadfully out of shape)
- paint with oils
- play guitarrr :(

SEVEN THINGS THAT ATTRACT YOU TO THE OPPOSITE SEX
- hair
- personality
- the fact that they are male
- tastes
- ~*~body~*~
- manner of speaking
- clothes

SEVEN THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST
- ummm
-okay
- like
- uhhhh
- haha
- hello
- fag

SEVEN CELEB CRUSHES
- paul banks
- carlos d
- steve buscemi...haha
- conan o'brien
- um this changes every day :/

SEVEN PEOPLE YOU WANT TO SEE TAKE THIS TEST
- everybody. i'm too lazy to tag
<3

why do i smile at people who i'd much rather kick in the eye?

2007-10-24T19:32:03Z

the smiths make me so happy. i know that sounds weird because their lyrics (go love morrissey) are so...depressive, but a lot of them are kindof funny too. i love "girlfriend in a coma". i was obsessed with that song last spring, i kept singing it to erin and she hated it. oh well. but the music itself is so happy-sounding to me. it just makes me think of sunshine and rainbows and warm memories of walking around to meet friends at the park or the store. maybe it's morrissey's voice, which sounds kindof dazed and dreamy but also extremely expressive and how it meshes with the songs, or the high pitch of the guitars, or the catchiness. who knowwwws.
haha. :)

but anyway. happy music. i'm trying to be positive lately.
we are talking about depression and suicide in my health class at the moment and it's weird because this stuff is all too familiar. it's sad how familiar, actually. it's sad that my friends and i are all so fucked up and so young!
i can't really feel angry about it right now though. it's peculiar. i'm hoping that having positive vibes will rub off on other people.

i was chosen at random to be in the fall fashion show this weekend, which the moms' club at school holds yearly. i hope the clothes they pick for me are cute. and i hope there are no stilettos! i can barely walk in those things, i'm afraid i'll either fall over or spend the entire time walking looking at my feet and therefore looking stupid. or my hair will look like crap like usual. or my posture will be bad. ewwww.

i love autumn so much, honestly. it's the last warmth of the year and i like to savor that...autumn has a mood of its own. i love noticing the nights getting longer and the layers getting thicker, and the leaves covering the sidewalk so that each step is like dancing on some subtly colored rainbow. i like all the high school events that happen in fall. i like just enjoying it all, really. i love nature. i probably say that a lot but honestly, i just love it. i feel so connected to it.

anyway. i sound like a big old hippie right now. i've got some homework to do, some plans to make, and hopefully i'll find something actually productive to do besides that. then there's school...omg no british literature classes for the next two days! yesss! i can't stand my teacher. i digress, i hope you're all doing reasonably well, even though i know some of you aren't :/
have a good evening :) much love to all of you.

an assemblage of random thoughts/a question

2007-10-03T01:37:12Z

a. Goat and horse eyes are the weirdest things in the world.
They look so incredibly creepy. Their pupils are shaped like horizontal rectangular bars, they aren't round like with most animals. I never knew that before my trip last July, when we randomly stopped at this petting zoo and we fed some goats up close and I saw their eyes and was truly mind-boggled. I just thought of it randomly. It's so bizarre, and I don't know why they astonish me so much, but they do.

b. Shittttt. Two tests tomorrow that I barely knew about. Yeaahhhh. Plus a French assignment I should have done days ago but didn't and now I've got to write the whole thing now. It's going to suck so badly. Same thing with my British literature homework. I'm awesome.

c. People keep borrowing my pencils and not giving them back and it hurts my feelings. :(

d. Poor Britney. But actually, not poor Britney. Or not. I don't know why I care so much about this broad. Her life is just so sad, I dunno, I want to like, get her to fly to some random place on the other side of the world and start a new life away from all the ridiculousness of California media. She should come to Detroit! Hahaha. Or no, Norway. Haha. Um, Iceland? She can be next door neighbors with Bjork. Yes.
Same with Pete Doherty! I don't even listen to the Libertines or Babyshambles but I'm like, in love with Pete. I want him to get better and drop the druggggs. I sound ridiculous but really I just spend too much time on ohnotheydidnt.

e. I have no idea whatsoever as to what to do for a Halloween costume this year. Any suggestions? I had a really awesome costume last year, so I don't want to do something generic and unexciting this year. I'm looking at Donnie Darko costumes (Frank the Bunny ftw!) but they are all like $300 so that's not really an option. What a mild dilemma.

f. Woohoo for having a free hour in school every morning now! Maybe Angie doesn't like it but I love having the time off, it makes things so much easier for me.

schizophrenique @ 2007-08-31T06:53:00

2007-08-31T11:03:38Z

I really, really desperately miss the way with words I feel like I had when I was younger.
Everything flowed out of me like the pen or whatever was a direct link to my soul and now it's all so forced. My teachers might say I write well but personal writing and mandatory writing are two completely different things.
Everything is so contrived now.
My mind is not fertile and ripe with stories and ideas and properly worded thoughts; I don't hear my thoughts anymore, I see them, and it is nowhere near as easy to express visual feeling as it is to write it exactly as it is.
It's even hard explaining here, in casual English.
Something happened in my brain that just made everything about me that I felt was strong and fast and able begin to deteriorate into mush and raw, un-cultivate-able earth. The soil in my brain is weeded with cheesy metaphors and thoughtlessly worded sentences, like comparing talent to farming, for example.
I hate this. Where did I go?
I pray this is just a creative drought.

schizophrenique @ 2007-08-28T00:02:00

2007-08-28T04:12:05Z

Poo @ the new Interpol video.
Poo @ there being only one week and one day left before school begins.
Poo @ not going shopping.
Poo @ awkward conversations.
Poo @ my parents stressing me out over getting rides to school.
Poo @ repeating Algebra 1.
Poo @ that horrible "Curse of the Zodiac" movie. Seriously, DON'T watch it under any circumstances.
Poo @ nasty goff black nailpolish that I'm too lazy to remove.
Poo @ a dentist appointment in two weeks, where I'll probably get more crooked fillings that look totally unnatural upclose.
Poo @ in-law family.
Actually poo @ blood family too. They didn't even send me anything on my birthday! fuck that. Is it because I didn't send a thank you card last Christmas (when I fortunately did not have to see them)?
:(
Oh, and poo @ bruises from new shoes.

Blahhh. That's a lot of poo. :(

blablabla yet another random entry that has nothing to do with anything & is just what's on my mind

2007-08-24T08:09:59Z

Reservoir Dogs=
one of my new favorite films.

Tomorrow I think I'll watch Sin City. Either that or Goodfellas.
I don't know what it is, but I'm so obsessed with gangster-type flicks lately.
The characters are almost always really fascinating and I don't have as much of an aversion to violence as I used to...on some level I might think being able to handle it makes me "tough". Okay not really. It's just all strangely interesting.

I had a couple of dreams last night involving frosting cake with my sister and going back to school and having conversations about summer with people. They were surprisingly straightforward, which is quite unusual.

I feel like I need to go on a diet for some reason. I've been overeating compulsively lately and it's really unhealthy.
Yes yes I'm thin and all that cal, but regardless of weight, sitting around the house and eating literally all day long is a poor decision.
I'm trying to figure out some good things I can do to exercise but given my lack of discipline, skill and interest I don't want to do any sports, so....? Hmph.

Oh shooot. I still need to email that boy Mike. Eeek. I hope he doesn't think I'm ignoring him. I just don't know what to say. Yowzerz.

Actually I have a lot of things I need to get done but most of them rest in the hands of my parents, and so it's getting really frustrating due to monetary and time constrictions. It's times like these that I can't wait to be on my own, but I realize that it's going to be even harder then. :P

Blahhh. Okay on another random note, I really want these:

You know, people give The Horrors so much crap about being a fashion band, but without fashion bands we wouldn't have cute, skinny pseudo-goth boys to admire, and fun noisy guitar/organ music to dance to. I salute you, Horrors. It's so weird that I still haven't bought their album. :P

Oh, I still don't have the Ratatat album yet, either. Grr! They're so good. They do really fantastic remixes too, one being a song called "We Share Our Mother's Health" by the wonderful electronic band The Knife. You should all go listen to both the original and the remix, very different but both very cool.

I have a feeling this entry is too long for anyone to want to bother reading but pfft, it's not really important to me right now. Oh, I painted my nails black instead of red, which is kinda weird. They look really witchy and weird especially considering that I'm a little tanner. Somehow I like it, though.
Oh, and lol @ Lindsay Lohan. Darn celebrities and their two-hour jail service.
Okay. It's four in the morning and I promised myself I wouldn't stay up til like, five again, although I don't see that promise being followed through with. I'll stop babbling now. Goo-night.
Yes, goo-night, without a D.

schizophrenique @ 2007-08-20T22:51:00

2007-08-21T03:04:31Z

I met a nice boy at CC on Friday. His name is Mike. He's weird and funny and tall and lanky. He's only a freshman. Gasp!

I saw a lot of familiar people and had a lot of incredibly awkward hellos with them, having been caught off guard because I somehow forgot that there would be a lot of people there that were familiar.

I read a bunch of song lyrics that I wrote in 8th grade last night. Some of them were pitiful but some of them were quite decent. I haven't written anything good in the last year in any regard; stories, poems, whatever. I was so creative when I was grieving. It's weird.

Angie told me upon my asking that if I successfully improved my grades and was able to handle it, I could begin driver's ed sometime this year. At least now I have a real incentive. I'm excited.

I love "The Hills", I'm not going to lie. It satisfies this nosy need of mine to know what's going on in other people's lives. Seriously, this show is awesome. I'm getting so wrapped into it, like I was with the OC, haha.

Oh yeah, if I saw you on Friday and said something very stupid, my apologies. I don't know why but every time I'm thrust into a social situation I totally lose myself and my mind goes blank and my mentality changes. It's something that I am trying to change. It's all about control.

I'm content with myself though. For once I have an idea of how to move toward all the things I want, that method being control itself. In my freshman year I allowed my emotions and convenience to control me, and that is no healthy way to live. I am developing control as a skill. When my emotions become too much for me to handle, I know how to put a lid on them now. When I want something, I am taking control and doing what I have to do to get it. I'm growing, and I'm extremely pleased about it.

I had a decent weekend and I saw a lot of great people and met a lot of great people. I'm ecstatic about it.

"did we just carjack someone?" "we sure did, brian. we sure did."

2007-08-13T01:27:39Z

I took from linnsometimes :)

How do you feel today?: I am incredibly bored despite the fact that I know there are things I should be doing.

If you could be anywhere right now where would it be? Paul Banks's pants. Okay, I'm kidding because in actuality that would be really creepy, so I think I'll say, the mall, spending lots and lots of money.

If you could eat anything right now what would it be? something good?

What song are you listening to right now? none, i'm listening to America's Next Top Model on tv. Sue me.

When was the last time you were drunk? Never.

What's your favorite thing to do while waiting for someone to call/arrive? Listen to music!

Do you know everybody on your myspace friends? I doubt it.

If you could star in one movie what would it be? Something really interesting and good, something like Brick, something that I wrote myself.

How did your last relationship end? This depends on what kind of relationship you are talking about. I suppose as far as friendships go, we drifted apart.

Did you miss it? A part of me always misses those who somehow drift out of my life, because there was always a good reason that they were in it in the first place. It's like having a great day and doing something amazingly fun and knowing that you can never do that again. It's sad.

Had a crush on your brother/sister's friend? Haha, I had a crush on one of my sister's ex-boyfriends. His name was Tom, and he was British. :)

Had a crush on your friend's brother/sister? Nooo.

Who is your longest friend and how long? Shivani and Moriah, both since second grade, so...wow, like eight years.

Who do you want to be like? I want to be like the very best version of myself that is possible.

Who do you hate the most? I do not hate anyone.

Who looks the most like you? I don't look like anyone in my family, really. Someone told me I look like Condoleeza Rice a couple of weeks ago =( but I don't think I look too much like...anyone?

Are you high maintenance? Secretly, yes.

Who pissed you off really bad recently? Brandon, but what else is new.

Have you ever fucked someone up? There are a lot of ways that the term "fucked up" can be interpreted, but if by that you mean in like, a fight, no no no.

Have you ever been fucked up? Aren't we all fucked up? :) But in a fight, again, no no no.

Cursed in front of your parents? Once, but I didn't realize that I was saying something bad. I was 9, okay?!

Would you marry for money? Probably not.

If you could change one point in your life would you? I don't know.

Do you like who you are becoming? In some ways, absolutely not, but in some ways...kinda.

What is the most important thing in your life? Love and music.

If you could wish for anything... what would you wish? I would wish for more wishes, and then with those wishes, I would wish for some very stupid and superficial things that I would rather not go into detail about.

What do you drive? I don't drive yet.

Would you drop your last name if you became famous? I don't know, probably. I might just go by my first and middle name, it's a lot easier to remember and say. Of course, it would depend what I was becoming famous for.

Have you ever given a lap dance? No.

Have you ever received one? No.

What do you like most about your body? My back, my legs, my shoulders, my waist. I'm pretty pleased with how my body looks, for the most part.

What do you like least about your body? It's not so much my body as much face. :P But let's stay positive shall we?

Are you more of a mommys or daddys child? I never had the opportunity to be a daddy's girl, so Mom, definitely.

What is your worst fear? Death, loneliness, aging, and failure. Failure is a big one because it means a lot of things for me.

Would you ever join the army? NO.

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No :(

Been on TV? Yes, briefly. It was cool but I looked weird.

Do you think you can sing? Only alone.

Can you whistle? No.

Can you walk in high heels? Ehhh kindof.

What is your dream job? Famous musician/artist/etcetera etcetera etcetera!

Can you taste the difference between pepsi and coke? Yes, and Coke is better.

Fave quote? "Death isn't a reason to live slowly; it's justification for a decadent lifestyle." :) I don't know if I agree with it, but I find it interesting.

Last thing you ate? Chicken.

Look to left what is the first thing you see? Couch arm.

What is your ringtone? I haven't got a phone, sorry!

Ever put clothes on your pet? Oh god no.

Whats the scariest dream you had? Well, to sum it up quite without much detail, it involved me and a lot of other people dying, being placed temporarily in Heaven, Hell and Purgatory, and then lining up and having our hands stamped with these mysterious words that were to indicate where we were going to go for the rest of eternity. My hand was stamped with the word "Odyssey". Actually, it's not that it was scary, but it was incredibly alarming, especially because the very same night, I had a dream about my mother who is now deceased. :(

Favorite place to hang out with friends? Movies, mall, anywhere that we can have fun together...so, actually, anywhere.

Name something silly that you’re afraid of? People make fun of me for being afraid of deep water, but I don't think it's silly.

Whats your favorite scent? I like a lot of them. I like white wine; it smells like it could be a fine cologne.

Do you notice someone staring at you from across the room?: If I don't notice it, how could I know whether anyone was staring or not? There's no way to really answer this question if you ask me.

Do you smile at strangers?: Sometimes, sure.

What kind of clothes do you buy?: Pretty ones. Cool ones. Ones that I like.

How much do you spend on clothes weekly?: Um, I'm lucky if I go shopping twice a year.

How many bowls of cereal do you eat in the morning?: Generally one.

Do you give your dog a bone?: No, but I know who gives me a bone. XD

Do you give your cat any catnip?: Haven't got a cat!

Do you own a hedgehog?: I have a Sonic the Hedgehog videogame...

How often do you clean your room?: When my parents make me.

How many days do you normally miss during a school year?: Not too many, since if I miss just one day, I fall far behind. I missed at least a week last year due to strept throat (well, and other factors).

How many days do you skip?: not many if any.

Do any of your classes go on field trips?: They did, yeah. My French class particularly goes on a lot of them.

Are you in elementary, middle school, or high school?: I am in high school.

Do you live up north or down south?: North in my country, but south in my state.

Do you live towards the west?: No.

The east?: Somewhat.

Central?: Kindof.

Have you ever been to China?: No. That would be pretty cool, though.

What countries would you like to visit?: As many as possible. Germany, France, England, Russia, Sweden, Japan, India, Brazil, and Australia come to mind immediately. Oh, and Lithuania and Poland.

Do you like to roll people's houses?: Wtf does this mean?

How many pillows do you have on your bed?: Two, and a stuffed flamingo.

What is the lowest grade you have ever made on your report card?: I got a D- in math this year, which is far below my capability, I think.

Can you roll your tongue?: Yes.

Can you cross your eyes?: Yes.

Can you cross one eye and keep the other looking completely straight?: I don't know.

Can you wiggle your ears?: No.

Can you throw your voice?: No.

Were you named after anyone?: Middle name (my grandmother's middle name)

Have you ever skateboarded?: I've tried and failed.

Do you like to play with fire?: No.

Have you ever been rolled?: Wtf is with all this talk of "rolling"?!!!!!!

Do you like egging houses?: No, what a mean thing to do.

Do you go to parties to get drunk, hook up, or both?: Neither. It is possible to have fun without debauchery, believe it or not.

What kind of cigarettes do you smoke?: Chocolate ones :). Actually, I bite them--if I tried to smoke them, they would melt and I would burn my hand.

What was your first cuss word spoken out loud?: I have no idea. "Dick" was the only one I ever said in front of my parents, and like I said, I didn't know it was a bad word at the time.

Screamed?: Presumably when I was a baby.

Whispered: I don't know.

Have you ever pierced your own ears/eyebrows/nose/tongue/belly button/etc?: No, and I never will.

Are you a self-mutilator?: No.

Do you have any pets?: no.

What color shirt are you wearing?: A really boring gry sweatshirt from my elementary school, with a pink teeshirt underneath.

Name three things that are physically close to you: My glass of pop, the remote control, and an ashtray.

What is the last book you read? Girl, Interrupted.

Are you or were you a good student? I was a great student in eighth grade, but this year I was quite mediocre.

Do you enjoy sleeping late? Sometimes.

What's the weather like right now? Humid and just beginning to cool off.

Who tells the best jokes?: Conan O'Brien. (No, I'm not going to name people I know)

What was the last thing you dreamed about? I do not remember.

Do you believe in luck? No. Maybe? No.

Do you collect anything? Postcards, sortof.

Are you proud of yourself? In some aspects, sure.

Have you ever had a secret admirer? Probably when I was younger and prettier.

Do you like the smell of gasoline? Yeah.

Do you like to draw? Drawing is one of the few things in the world that really makes me happy.

What's your favorite invention? I couldn't choose just one.

Is your room messy? Somewhat.

What do you like better: oranges or apples? Apples.

Do you give in easily? Depends on the situation.

Can you read other people's expressions? I don't know.

What do you plan on doing tomorrow? i'm not sure.

Whats your favorite day of the week and why? friday or saturday.

What's the worst injury you have had? i've never been seriously injured, so....?

What's the last movie you saw? Ghost Rider, haha.

What do you want to know about the future? I don't.

What is your favorite animal? Zebra.

Who was the last person to make you laugh? Brotherrrr?

Do you like things that glow in the dark? Yes, except for bugs.

Do you watch cartoons? Family Guy, obviously. And South Park. And some others.

Have you ever sat on a roof? No, I've always wanted to.

Name three things in the world you dislike: Discrimination, hatred, and the fact that people (especially kids) are made to feel like they're worthless if they're not incredibly good-looking.

Name three people in the world you dislike: I'm not going to go there. :)

Has a rumor even been spread about you? No doubt about it.

Do you believe in magic? No.

suggestions, please!

2007-08-08T07:13:57Z

Okay.
A. So last night (or tonight?) I just went out to an advance screening of Superbad.
Basically, if you like somewhat crude and often sexual humor with a touch of heartfelt-ness, plus Michael Cera--you know, adorable little George Michael from Arrested Development--you'll like it. It's a film by Judd Apatow, same guy who did The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up, which was actually a really good movie in my opinion, despite the blunt name.
So um, go see it?
Yeah.

B. Um not much else to report. I keep staying up to unholy hours and writing really bad tangent poetry, although I like it; I wrote one that was kindof an abstract song about a parent watching their child rebel despite their self-righteous efforts to control them. Isn't that how most parents operate though? ;] I also did a bunch of little drawings in pen of hipster-looking people, I think they're pretty good. I also drew a picture on canvas that I intend to paint tomorrow or soon after--it's cool, I'll scan or take a photo or something when it's done.

C. Does anyone have any new bands I should look at? I'm getting so bored of almost everything I'm into, especially dance music, which is a shame because dance music is something I adore. Lately though, I like these songs by the Cribs a lot. And White Rabbits. I have this Spoon song on my iPod now too that I like. Lots of pop-rock that I would have hated a year-and-a-half ago, too. Ehhh. I'm so boring. But anyway, just name any random band (or bands), I'll give them a look. Just nothing too twee, maybe?

I had the...

2007-07-29T07:40:21Z

Best night
of my entire life

No kidding.
I didn't want it to end.
I wore my little bolo tie, I felt special.
Carlos kinda looked out at the audience and grinned a few times and did this weird as heck thing where he lifted his bass over his back and kept playing it, haha.
Paul is a handsome devil. He totally smiled out loud during "Not Even Jail", it was lovely. It was really cute when he said "thank you, you guys are great" every time...very coy, but I got it.
I think I may have made a convert of my brother but I don't know. He said he liked it. I'm happy about it.
This has been just a kick ass week in every way, I'm so sad it has to end.
I want Interpol to come back. I want to go up to the stage and scream "Marry me Carlos!"
If I had been closer, I would have. My brother would never have let it go.
I'm kinda glad it was just him and me, I like spending time with him. He's a cool, cool guy. If I had brought a friend I would have been distracted--not in a bad way, just, I would have. It was cool. Just me, my brother, and Interpol, and a sea of other faces all projecting their kinky energies on them.
Heh. At least I know I was.
I was like the youngest person there, no kidding. All college age kids and adults. I liked it though, there weren't really any of the stupid kinds of kids you're more likely to see at arena shows, no offense.
We walked to Greektown after the show and got food at the Panthenon (sp?). It was good.
Calla, the opening band, was good too. Very orchestral, very cool.
I'm going to burn a cd of Interpol for my sister because she told me to because she just realized she has never heard an Interpol song. So I'm going to. I'm happy about it.
I bought two teeshirts too, how nifty is that?
AND they played "The Scale", "TYOAC", and "Evil". Oh, and the bass was SO prominent in "The Heinrich Maneuver". It was so nice.

In short, this is such a boring post, but I don't want to go on and on for days.
I had the most amazing night I could have really hoped for.
Oh, and two nice gents kinda flirted with me. It was cute. Heh, boosted my ego a bit.
Anyway, I'm off to bed soon....my sister is taking me out for breakfast. I finally asked her about the hair dying thing btw, and she said "we'll see" and that if I did it, she wanted me to get it done in a salon, which would be nice. So uhh yeah.
Goodnight mes cheries. I love you. :)

omg.

2007-07-28T22:25:16Z

The doors open in about an hour.
I'm leaving soon.
I am about to die out of excitement.
Like, my heart is beating so fast. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. o0o0o0o.

Okay. I hope you all have a good night. I think I will.

ps I get to see Paul Banks! Ahhh!!!!!

schizophrenique @ 2007-07-26T00:22:00

2007-07-26T04:30:26Z

I am home.

My tv is coming back and while I was gone, my family bought a new 42 inch or something, It's a flatscreen with high-def. It's really weird but awesome.

I have to wonder where all this money is coming from. First, some stupid overpriced vacuum, then this. It's odd.

The Interpol concert is on Saturday, I am going to die inside. I can't wait.
I don't know what to wear.
I bought a bolo tie because I thought it was awesome in South Dakota, and I was planning on wearing it to the show in honor of their bassist's new style, harhar, but then I thought, if I do that, I will look like such a silly fangirl.
Hmmm.
I mean, I am, to a degree, a silly fangirl, but I don't want people to know that. :P
Haha, I love how this is such a big deal to me.
I don't feel like describing my trip in detail but I am glad to be home. I had a great time but I really need a couple of days to myself. I'm pretty content with things right now.

I had some revelations while in the car on Monday or Tuesday after seeing that car accident. Life is going to change here on out. The person I have been is dying, someone new and better and more honest is going to take her place now. It's all so exciting.

i came to fight i am in the air.

2007-07-22T09:29:31Z

This week

I saw the most beautiful sunset I have ever laid eyes upon, some sort of gradient mystical looking flame dancing upon a pale, ice blue lake (Lake Michigan) while listening to "The Lighthouse". It was perfect. A perfect sound for a perfect sunset in a perfect peace.
I sat in the car for about two and a half days.
I saw more cows than I ever realized existed within three states.
I posed while sitting on top of a plaster dinosaur.
I was serenaded and also lectured about eating meat by Moriah's second cousin, whose sixteen-year-old daughter doesn't really want to talk to us.
I saw fields of wheat that looked more like shimmering golden rivers than crops.
I decided that I want to come up to these swerving ashen mountains every summer for the rest of my life. It's not going to happen, but I wish it would.
I also decided that Paul Banks is the most finely designed human on the face of the planet, and Moriah's fangirlish ways are rubbing off on me, except Mr. Banks is way better looking than Pete Wentz. I wonder if Interpol is going to become like, super popular now that they have an album that debuted in the top 20 in 15 countries. hmmm.
I stuffed my face with chicken and generic restaurant food and wasted money on a shitload of candy and three uber-ghetto-looking gold chains. I love them. I might buy a black cowboy hat but it's a bit expensive and I can't decide if I should or not. I also almost bought a bolo tie but Moriah told me she could get one for me from her Mexican grandfather for free. Dear lord I am turning into a damn cowboy (girl). Haha.

We are going to Mt. Rushmore tomorrow and I'm absolutely enthralled. We are going to leave at some point on Monday.
Oh, and I got a fucking polkadot tan on my feet because of my stupidly-shaped flats and forgetfulness to put sunblock on my feet. Niiice.
I hope you are all having a pleasant week. :) I know I am.

schizophrenique @ 2007-07-18T11:57:00

2007-07-18T16:02:50Z

I am going to South Dakota for about a week.
I'll see you all then :)

ps::: lmao @ whoever posted the Harry Potter spoilers in the interpol_nyccommunity, how very mean and hilarious.
Although I know I wouldn't be laughing if it happened to a book I love.
:) Oh well.
Ta-ta for now my beautiful friends.
Have a good week.

schizophrenique @ 2007-07-14T23:37:00

2007-07-15T03:42:01Z

ahahaa.
so someone allegedly took pictures of the last chapter of the new harry potter book
and put them on ze internet for all to see
and i read it. :)

nobody knows if it's real or not
but either way
LOL
i have the link if you want it, but i won't post. aim me or something and i'll show you.

anyhoo
i'm going to see hp the movie tomorrow
which is exciting
AND i reminded Cuppie about the interpol show on the 28th
and he said i could probably go!!!!
ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh and ps, does anyone know how to save new mood themes? i'm trying to upload some pictures and every time i do it they don't save.

sunday bloody sunday

2007-07-10T01:33:49Z

I had a lovely Sunday at the Comerica Cityfest, which is a sort of festival of food, arts, crafts, music, and so on...lots of booths where businesses select some of their merchandise to sell.
It sounds somehow boring when you put it like that, but I always love going.
I went with Moriah, my favorite Ladywood girl/bff, and her grandma.
Click to see spicy pictures of our various settings, plus some oh so engaging commentary.

Around 3 pm we headed out into the city. It was pleasant; we ate some of those Andy Capp cheese snacks in the car, which I haven't had in a long time.

One of the things I love about Detroit is the contrast in architecture. Half of the city is all industrial and stiff-like, and the rest is old churches and fancy-ness (pardon my lack of real architectural terminology). Well, there's the numerous decrepit houses, too, but let's not worry about those atm.

Upon arriving at the Cityfest we ambled around for awhile but didn't buy any food because Moriah's grandma insisted that it was a waste to spend so much money on food that wouldn't even fill us. Ah well. Around 4 o'clock we found one of the stages, where a delightful band called The Singles were playing. Moriah and I thoroughly enjoyed them. They should become huge stars :D Stupidly I didn't think to take pictures during the performance, which is lame because we had a very good view.

I was desperate to see The Silent Years play, who were on at about 5 pm, so with a half an hour to kill we walked into the Fisher Theatre. They had some artwork on display in one of the rooms. It was cool.

Moriah was very excited by the band posters. Hippie. =P

This painting looked a lot better in real life. This is kindof the idea of the artwork there--somewhat pop-artish?

Since I am a dork I took a picture of the lovely ornate ceiling of the theatre's lobby/hall area. It's quite pretty.

Inside of this area there were some nice things to look at, including these totally xcore flags of ze world. I took a few other pictures of some specific ones, i.e. the UK and Australia (because who doesn't love the UK and Australia?) but I won't bother you with them. I liked it all quite a lot. There were also some shops and cool little displays behind glass, like this one:

Look at the little hats!

Finally 5 o'clock was near and we returned to the stage to watch The Silent Years perform. I was ridiculously excited because not only would I actually be seeing a band I knew, but I band I liked.
While waiting, I took a picture of the bracelet that I had bought earlier at one of the little African shop booths. Scarily enough I saw a man who looked exactly like my father whom I haven't seen or heard from in three years. Needless to say I hurried up and left quickly.

Anyway. The Silent Years took stage a few minutes past five. The audience was considerably larger than it had been for most of the day, considering that TSY aren't exactly unknown...not well-known, no, but not at all unknown to blog-frequenters (including myself). The audience was mainly comprised of Converse-clad teenagers, women in airy thin dresses and offbeat polo-wearing hipster men, standing in groups of friends around the right side of the stage, where I also stood.
The band kicked off with a pleasant, melodious yet loud song that I happily swayed to. It didn't take long for me to notice the amusing faces that the leader of the sextet made when in the throws of musical passion, and I loved watching them all the more for it. His voice was very soothing and melodic yet when it rang out into the audience it was powerful, almost commanding; lyrically he alternated between non-lyrical sounds, which contributed more as a part of the instruments, and thoughtful, possibly cinematic tales. Each song was different yet equally rhythmic and hypnotizing, with a tendency toward rich-sounding instrumentals that built up into climactic bursts of sound.
There wasn't a lot of banter toward the crowd although a call-and-response was initiated at one point and the audience did not fail to clap along when enticed. At one point the singer asked us to introduce ourselves to someone who was standing next to us, and later, to shake hands, because "this is how we rebuild Detroit...with handshakes."
A couple of highly literate brand new songs were played, including a lovely, catchy and thoughtful untitled song about how "it evens out in the end I'm afraid" and "the cracks in the city floor". Another was a roaring, poppy little number called "The World's Worst Birthday Gift".
Due to my malfunctioning camera I didn't manage to catch the hilarious faces but I did get a few of the band, all looking very casual and cute. This one is the closest up:

Look at the awesome blue plastic drum!

As TSY's flood of sound ended we departed from the Cityfest, being completely exhausted due in no small part to the ridiculous 90+ heat. We passed Cheap Trick beginning their set and cooled off with drinks and ice cream in McDonald's. I think Moriah did not enjoy their music too much--not loud and immediate enough for her--but I thought it was wonderful. Later we talked on the phone for about three hours, which was great because we haven't done that in a long time. Overall, it was a great day.

So, that is what my weekend was comprised of. Tomorrow the new Interpol album is coming out and I am about to explode in excitement. I could have downloaded the leak and I could have listened to the online stream but I didn't! I waited and now I will get myself down to Best Buy tomorrow and it will be perfect.

What did all of you do this weekend? I want to hear about it. My apologies, I suppose, if that was a bit long, but summarizing has never been a strong point of mine.

I hope your weekend was as good as mine was, and if not, I hope the next one is better. :D
Alors, c'est fini...à tout al'heure, mes amis mignons!

Do it. Do it. Do it. :]

2007-07-04T05:06:17Z

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Alexis
2. Lexi
3. Soosianna Beana Morrone-Trahison

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I have awesomexcore taste in things, I think
2. I'm rather thin and I can eat anything I want without caring about weight
3. I'm nice?

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I don't like my face o.0
2. Social anxiety oh noezzz
3. I am bad at making and following through with commitments.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Polish
2. Black American, which basically means African and whoknowswhatelse
3. Some Native American tribe?

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Death.
2. Aliens.
3. The idea of tall trucks that slam into bridges that aren't high enough to allow them to pass.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Carlos D.
2. Computer.
3. Caffeine.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Red nailpolish (oooooh)
2. My pimp gold chain necklace
3. Jayynz

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
Currently:
1. Interpol
2. The Cure
3. The Horrors

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE ALBUMS:
1. Interpol Antics
2. The Knife Silent Shout
3. Ladytron Witching Hour

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I am attracted to Conan O'Brien.
2. Toe socks freak me out.
3. I like to buy things from Australia because they're cheaper.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Go to a concert (or two, or three)
2. Kiss somebodyyyy!!!
3. Something illegal, because I want to have stories of my teenage years. *nods*

THREE THINGS YOU NEED IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Good conversation.
2. Mutual faithfulness.
3. General sweetness.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Initiate conversations.
2. Get up when I want to.
3. Play sportz.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Experiencing moviefilms.
2. Reading about disturbing materials.
3. Enjoy musique.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. See a couple of people.
2. Go shopping for clothings.
3. Eat something really delicious and exotic.

THREE JOBS YOU'D CONSIDER DOING OTHER THAN THE ONE YOU HAVE:
1. Wouldn't I need a job first to answer these? Anyway. Be in a band.
2. Be an A&R person or whatever you call those.
3. Be an artist...although I'm not sure how people make decent money with that.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. England.
2. Germany.
3. India.

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Liliana.
2. George Michael (and not after the pop singer!)
3. Conan? haha.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Dye my hair numerous colors.
2. Fornicate.
3. See Interpol live.

THREE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD COMPLETE THIS SURVEY:
1. Whoever is reading this now.
2. Everyone on my friendslisttt.
3. YOUyouyouyouyou. and you. and you too.

Omggzz was that revealing?
Please do it. These are fun.
I realize most of you are gone on vacation but whatever. I hope everything is going well for you. :D

Je vous adore, mes amis mignons. ♥
By the way, happy July 4th, my fellow Americans. Don't blow yourselves up.

schizophrenique @ 2007-06-28T21:45:00

2007-06-29T01:50:36Z

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This single-handedly made my day 98% better.
It's called Charlie the Unicorn...the High Version.
And well I wasn't high when I watched it. But ohmygod, can you imagine?
Either way....
dude. Just. Watch.

the week

2007-06-25T20:09:53Z

i went to the spree yesterday with hayley and emily and we met up with karen too.
it was a little random that hayley invited me but it was fun.
i stayed up until 7 am reading about new york city and looking at it on google earth.
it was pretty fascinating.
i was just reading about this serial killer named ted bundy who would rape and brutally kill all these women and sometimes engage in necrophilia with their corpses. right before he was put to death he said that violent pornography was one of the things that put ideas into his head because after a point he stopped being able to put a line between watching and doing. that was pretty disturbing.
i've been wearing the same pants for about a week, it's kinda gross.
so basically
i am alive...
and you didn't miss much.
i miss you.

To you all.

2007-06-06T22:17:38Z

I'm gonna do one of those things where I mysteriously address several people. You'll probably think it's kindof annoying. But I don't care. I just want to say things. I addressed most of the people on my friendslist here but not all, and a few other people too. I keep editing it so it doesn't sound scandelouss. But yeah. Feel free to take a gander/guess.

1. I love you. I like being around you despite the fact that I'm ridiculously awkward around you for some reason. Most of your friends annoy me to death, to which I'm sure your reply would be, fuck you. Which is fine and understandable. I'm just bitching because I can :). Hm maybe it's because I'm a little jealous. But not? Who knows. But anyway. You're cool, kiddd. I'm trying not to be clingy but I think you think I am, if that makes sense. I just hope you're happy.

2. I'm sorry I've been ignoring you lately. Because I have. I don't know if you have noticed or not. But um. I have been. And I don't know why. I guess it's one of those moody things I do to people I like. I spend time with them a lot and I get bored and start losing interest. I'll be over it soon, I promise. I sound like a complete douchehole by admitting this, but I think you know my nature well enough. Basically, I'm sorry. We should start talking more again. We have to spend time this summer.

3. You're funny. I love you. You act like you're five years old even though I'm the one who gets cranky without her morning juice. :)
We need to hang out this summer too, even though I know you just keep getting hustled around. Dammit we keep saying this but not being able to do anything about it, and it sucks because I love hanging out with you and I want to see you more in a non-school context. Hahaa that sounded dirty in my mind :) but it wasn't. I want to know you better. I never thought we would be good friends, I always thought you were too cool for me :P but it's nice to see this whole new side of you. I like it. :)

4. Dammitdammitdammit I hate this awkwardness. You are wonderful. I'm a silly person, I promise. But when you and I are together I dunno, I freeze? We've talked about a lot of things and I know you somewhat well. I just wish I could break open and just relax and act boisterous and fun around you. In time, I guess. But just, don't think I don't like being around you. I do I do I do! You're great. I'm just...weird.

5. I would never say this to your face but I am slightly jealous of you in a lot of ways. I kindof adore your friends. They're all so...cool? And you are just lovely and odd and pretty. And I just love how we have a shitload of stuff in common but don't know each other very well. Is it a sign? Maybe. I hope not, because whether I really know you or not, you're a very cool person all-around.

6. I feel horrible about your situation but I am not your best friend, I am not here to carry your burdens. I'm sorry. I am totally here if you want to talk about it some other time--not by choice, but I am here--and I just wish you would think about how uncomfortable it makes everyone else. It's one thing to admit something while you're having a real discussion. It's a whole other to see someone who is vaguely a friend, clamp yourself onto them, and spill your guts suddenly while we're just messing off, even when you weren't invited. When you're not here I am going to be a little relieved and a little worried but I really just don't want to talk to you, I won't lie.

7. You're a NERD. I love you. We should go to a bra-burning. It would be hilarious. I thought you would be bookish and normal and a little boring before I knew you, tbh. But you're awesome and awkward and you are constantly making jokes which with most people, annoys me, but with you, it's wonderful. The more we speak the more I learn you are completely not what I expected...you should have been born a hippie rioter. I also like how happy you always seem. I love love talking to you. We must hang this summer, yo.

8. Drama follows you everywhere you go. Why? It's annoying. I wish you and I had more to talk about. But anyway, I hope it stops, for your sake. You don't need this kind of crap. I kindof wish we were closer but in a way I don't...I don't know. It's hard to keep up with you, and confusing. I know we aren't that close but I still feel a little excluded sometimes.

9. This is random, but what the eff happened to you? I thought you were so pretty and nice and sweet and maybe we would be good friends because it seemed like you went out of your way to be nice at the beginning of the year. But gradually I've just found you so annoying. You seem kindof exclusive and you just up and stopped talking to me, EXCEPT when you need something. I think looks are connected to personal view because whenever I see you now you look all tired and haggard and stringy and you kindof try to be so clever but you're just...what happened to you?

I should stop before this gets too long.
Anyway. I do love you all. Take a guess, I want to know what you think I'm thinking. If that makes any sense. They seem blatantly obvious to me, but I'm just the writer. Anyhoo. You're all cool kids. Stay off the streets. ;}

Much love. <34567